All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
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