what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
