why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
