u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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