My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Just invented taco cereal.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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