I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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