Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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