1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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