fuck your aforementioned shoe
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
