So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
