Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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