Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
