He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
