we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
