I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
