So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
North Korea, Best Korea!
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
