I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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