Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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