Having a random hookup so left but love u
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
