Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
