he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
