you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
