Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
