hell yes lets make some ravioli
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police