even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
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When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
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was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?