ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.