she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?