In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.