oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.