I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
