your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
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Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
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I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.