I wish my penis had an off switch
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"