it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
