Ambien. No doubt about it.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize