So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I want to fling myself into the sun
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
