I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
