they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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