Taylor Swift is so right about you.
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
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boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
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I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
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