youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
