i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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