I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
