I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
foreskin is a definite game changer
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
