So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
