Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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