An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
