I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
