....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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