the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
