Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Don't tell me you're on acid again
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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