I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
