I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Can't talk, ducks in the car
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
