Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Can you bring me the toilet please
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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