ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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