Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
