Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
