Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
It's never too late to be topless.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
