If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
