New low: just hacked my moms facebook
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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