yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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