so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Randomize
