What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
