i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
