just come out here and I will go home with you...
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
