i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
