Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
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