just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
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