He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
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You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
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I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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