I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
