This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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