i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
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It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
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I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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